struggling

Well it's been a bit since I last blogged. I'd like to say a lot has been going on, but it really hasn't - same old same old. My abstinence is still in place - cleaner and more comfortable, but still a struggle. Those sugary foods are still craved and they still call my name and I want to eat them, but I don't - I won't.

I want to say that I'm in a better place right now. Spring has begun to make itself known and that has raised my spirits a bit - that along with the weight I cut from my dreads has lighten my soul a bit.

I'm still struggling though.

I made an appointment with my doctor for next week to reevaluate my depression meds - hopefully we'll be able to come up with something that will support the work I'm trying to do because right now I'm sort of frozen in inaction. I can't find the energy to do much of anything. Lots in my life is suffering right now including my relationship with my kids, my beloved, myself and my Higher Power.

I'm trying to keep plugging along, but it's getting harder. I'm just really, really tired.

I pulled a muscle in my back this week, so that's slowing me down as well. I'm uncomfortable in my own body and mind and that's really blocking me right now.

I try to find the positive and I know - I really know deep down that it's there - I'm just having a hard time seeing beyond my own discomfort.

I find that if I can  list what I'm grateful for perhaps I can get myself out of my funk - so let's give it a try.

Today I'm grateful to my Higher Power for being there for me even when I'm having difficulty being there for myself.

I'm grateful to my beloved for supporting me and taking care of me especially when I'm incapable of doing it myself.

I'm grateful for my children - for their empathetic hearts and the help they give me around the house when my physical self is limited.

I'm grateful for the lessons of my losses in life and the lessons I've learned and am learning from my depression.

I'm grateful for good local food that nourishes my soul as well as my body.

I'm grateful for my OA fellowship - they are the reflection of the love my Higher Power has for me when I'm having a hard time finding it myself.

Gratitude can help me find my way to my source - I just need to remember to look at life with a grateful heart.

Blessings.