anniversary

Saturday, September 7th is the anniversary of the death of our dear Arlo Edward Becker, our youngest son. He would be 6 years old today if he'd lived.

It's amazing to me how much of an impact this little being had on my life when he didn't even get the opportunity to live outside my womb. His death is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life, yet I don't regret it. Losing Arlo was the most intense painful experience I've ever been through, but his spirit was just to good for this world. His very short life profoundly affected me and many of those around me. I still mourn to this day, but I also celebrate that I knew him at all.

The year we lost Arlo one of the things I did to help me heal was to spend time in nature with my other children. We went camping - just the three of us and our family has gone camping every year since to the same campground at the same time to memorialize this little life. We call it our Annual Arlo Edward Memorial Camping Trip. Every year I take the box that contains Arlo's ashes with us, so that he is with us on our trip. Gosh that sounds a little morbid, but I swear it's not. I just leave them in the car - it's only a symbolic gesture of remembrance.

We leave for our trip tomorrow - this is the 7th anniversary and I can not help thinking what fun he would have at 6 years old whacking and chopping away at his big brother and sister with sticks in the woods, throwing rocks, climbing trees, constantly being told - "Come back closer to the site so I can see you!" I think of him often, but it's only this once a year that I let myself think of the whatifs. What if he'd lived, how would our lives have been different, what kind of kid would he be. Whatifs are not particularly healthy, so I don't spend too much time thinking that way. I simple acknowledge those thoughts and move on to enjoy some special family time with the boy, the girl and my beloved.

I won't be posting for a few days, but I'll be sure to fill you all in our trip when I get back. Thank you all for reading my little blog - it means a lot to have the support of my family and friends. Blessings to all who take the time to read my words.