Jenn's death has hit me much harder than I would like to admit. I'm still mourning and I'm fighting the process because of some misplaced sense of my lack of importance in her life - almost like I wasn't close enough to her to be as sad as I am. This is of course not true. My feelings are my feelings and they are valid and true and I have to accept them and work through them allowing myself to be in the moment with them. I don't want to wallow, but I do want to experience my sadness and grief - it's the healthy thing to do. I'm working on it.
Knitting has been my primary way of coping these last few months.
These are all the things I knit just before Christmas - all but one were gifts.
I haven't been doing a lot of knitting the last few weeks, but I have discovered quilling and I've become somewhat obsessed. Quilling is a paper art that uses strips of paper coiled into shapes to create objects or pictures. I've been making snowflakes among other things.
here's a picture of my new art space where I do a lot of my quilling
here's a picture of trees I did with quilling
here's one of the many snowflakes I've created
and this is a snowflake pendant I created - I'm going to make it into a necklace for myself.
As you can see when I discover a new hobby I get a little obsessive.
As for knitting - I'm still thinking of a Etsy shop where I can sell some of my knitted items as well as perhaps some quilled art, so I'm working on a cardigan using up some of my stash yarn to sell.
One of the very few goals I've set for myself is to become a published author this year. I've now written 2 novels for Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month - nanowrimo.org) during the last 2 Novembers and this year I will edit both of them, submit one to a publisher and self publish the other one. At least that is the plan. Stay tuned for more details as I get my butt in gear.
So that is what is up with me. I just keep on keeping on living my life day by day. Not much changes, but I continue to do my best being the wife and mother that I am.
I believe that everyone is entitled to experience grief in whatever way they need to. No one should justify their grief in terms of quantifying the relationship they had with someone. You loved Jenn. She was a truly special person. You two connected within the heart. Her physical presence in your life and in the world is missed and your heart is sad about that. No one can judge how long or how anyone grieves. I lost a friend I only knew for 4 years back in 1992. I still have moments of grieving him. The sting does get better over time, but whenever you think of her over the years of your life, your heart will be reminded that she is no longer physically here. The pain will be mixed with more joy during those moments over time. I think it is totally OK to allow your body, mind and spirit to go through whatever it feels it needs to.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you are "the best wife and mother" just by being YOU. Enjoy this chilly January. It's great to see the creative outlets you are tapping into!! Hugs, Val
I know just what you mean about Jenn. I think in some ways I got closer to her during this final year than ever before. Which means that I miss her more than I might have otherwise. Val is right, there's no need to justify the feelings. Much love to you!
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