Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Connecting with myself

Well, I suppose all you lovelies have been wondering just what I've been up to. Actually I can answer in one word - art. I've embarked on a new expression of my spiritual journey - Don't worry I'm still walking the 12 steps, I've just added zentangling and art journaling to my tool box.

I've been interested in visual art since high school, but haven't done a whole lot with it the last few years. My work has been elsewhere, including the whole raising of kids thing ;)......Now that they are a bit older I have time and energy for my other passions. I write as many of you know and I've been zentangling for a few months. I recently discovered art journaling and I'm hooked. I love the work I'm doing.

Unfortunately, I'm one of those people that becomes all encompassed by a new passion and will fixate on that one thing to the detriment of all others, so my writing has fallen to the wayside. I'll get back to it and eventually get those books published. Right now my spirit is telling me that this the work I need to be doing. I'm more grounded and focused then I've been in a while and I'm still abstinent.

Today I took a break from the art and did some gardening. I garden barefoot so right now I'm feeling so connected to the Great Mother and I just feel so at peace. I'm truly blessed.

I spent the whole afternoon with my kids outside digging in the dirt. I planted marigolds, chives and lavender around the deck because I read that they all help repel mosquitos. I planted lettuce, spinach, and bush beans in the circular bed in the front of the house. I have no idea how those things will grow, but it's worth a shot - I love being able to feed my family fresh vegis from our own yard. I just want to pick up some tomato plants and some herbs to plant and then I'll feel like I've got it all under control.

I'm very dirty right now - I let the kids have their shower and bath first so both bathrooms are being used. I'm using the time waiting to write this blog post and get you all caught up.

If you are interested in my art journal leave a comment and I'll post some pictures here on my blog - if you are a facebook friend odds are you've already seen the work in progress.

Blessings to all you lovelies out there.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

What do I need??

That is a pertinent question. For a long time every time anything happened either good or bad, I answered that question with food. I tried to fill some sort of emptiness with excess food usually sugary food; ice cream was a favorite. Celebration = food, depression = food, guilt = food, unhappiness = food. Food was my answer for everything.

Food wasn't what I really needed though. What I really needed was a healthy balanced life - a life in balance mentally, spiritually and physically. I would often work on one of these aspects of my life and forget the others in my passion for all things mental or spiritual or physical - I would lose balance. I would often lose track of my Higher Power trying to do it all on my own. I would thrive for a while, but then lose focus or get burnt out and everything would fall apart and I would turn to food.

Now that I'm in OA my focus is on working the steps and finding and maintaining a healthy relationship with my Higher Power. I give the struggle over to Her and balance is a side effect.

So once again I ask, what do I need? I need food - there is no doubt of that, but not the way I once thought. I need food only to keep me alive and healthy, not to fill some perceived void. I need air and love and balance. I need my Higher Power. I need many things, but it all starts with balance, so that's what I strive for in my relationship with that Higher Power.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Growth and time

"No single event can awaken within
us a stranger totally unknown to us.
To live is to be slowly born."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
from For Today 
published by Overeaters Anonymous, Inc.

Growth takes time. This is an important point. Changes take time. I can do the work I need to do, but it still takes patience and persistence for those changes to happen. 

Patience is hard for me. I admit it - I want it now. I want to be thin now - I want to be brave now, I want to be healed now. What I need to remember is that it takes time to grow. The proof of this is all around me in nature. The trees begin life as a small little seed then grow to a little sapling then on to a large majestic tree - this all takes time. One doesn't see trees arrive fully grown right in front of us. Spiritual growth takes time as well. 

One of the keys to spiritual growth is the work it takes to fill up that time. Yes, it takes time, but that doesn't mean that's all that is required. Just like the trees I need certain things in my environment to support growth. For spiritual growth I must make a connection with my Higher Power and then continually nurture that connection. Given that and some time - growth is assured. I just need to have faith in the process. 

I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately - I've been fighting a nasty virus so haven't really felt up to much of anything except being sick. 

I'm back on my path now, so posts should occur more frequently.