Friday, April 10, 2015


Okay - so here's the deal. The depression is BAD like deep dark hole bad. I finally broke down and saw the doctor about 3 weeks ago and changed my meds and after about a week it got a bit better. But just this past week it started getting bad again. I'm sleeping more, but I'm tired all the time. I don't know if it's just side effects that will eventually subside or if it's just the meds  not really working. On another positive note, I'm not having suicidal thoughts any longer, so maybe it is helping a bit.

Oh and to top it all off, my doctor, who I've had for almost 12 years is moving to Florida. I have to start all over with a new doctor, never mind the search for a doctor who has similar beliefs about medicine and health.

That's really all that's going on with me. I'm struggling - I won't lie - I'm considering giving up OA - I'm just to depressed to work the program the way I should and I'm just not giving to it what I need to to get healthy emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I've been sugar free for 53 days and unlike last time, I'm not feeling the positive changes I was expecting. I'm still tired, still depressed, still in a lot of pain. Being overweight is not easy and not for the faint of heart. It's exhausting and painful and hard to escape from. Having said that I've lost 10 pounds in the last month.

Trying to keep sight of the positive and make small changes little by little. I've been abstinent for 53 days - I need to focus on that and pray that my meds make the changes I need to I can take the next steps toward better health.

I'll get there - I just need to have hope and be positive. Sigh - easier said than done most days. I've come so far, I just need to relax and let the universe shower me with the blessings that are there for me to see.

I'm going to try to be better about chronicling my journey on this blog - I've just been too depressed to write anything the last couple of months. Maybe the fact that I'm writing this is a good sign that the meds are working......Fingers crossed.