Friday, April 10, 2015


Okay - so here's the deal. The depression is BAD like deep dark hole bad. I finally broke down and saw the doctor about 3 weeks ago and changed my meds and after about a week it got a bit better. But just this past week it started getting bad again. I'm sleeping more, but I'm tired all the time. I don't know if it's just side effects that will eventually subside or if it's just the meds  not really working. On another positive note, I'm not having suicidal thoughts any longer, so maybe it is helping a bit.

Oh and to top it all off, my doctor, who I've had for almost 12 years is moving to Florida. I have to start all over with a new doctor, never mind the search for a doctor who has similar beliefs about medicine and health.

That's really all that's going on with me. I'm struggling - I won't lie - I'm considering giving up OA - I'm just to depressed to work the program the way I should and I'm just not giving to it what I need to to get healthy emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I've been sugar free for 53 days and unlike last time, I'm not feeling the positive changes I was expecting. I'm still tired, still depressed, still in a lot of pain. Being overweight is not easy and not for the faint of heart. It's exhausting and painful and hard to escape from. Having said that I've lost 10 pounds in the last month.

Trying to keep sight of the positive and make small changes little by little. I've been abstinent for 53 days - I need to focus on that and pray that my meds make the changes I need to I can take the next steps toward better health.

I'll get there - I just need to have hope and be positive. Sigh - easier said than done most days. I've come so far, I just need to relax and let the universe shower me with the blessings that are there for me to see.

I'm going to try to be better about chronicling my journey on this blog - I've just been too depressed to write anything the last couple of months. Maybe the fact that I'm writing this is a good sign that the meds are working......Fingers crossed.


  1. Thank you for posting this. It has been a difficult winter for many... and overcast/rainy days seem to get inside our heads. I want to send you LOVE <3 Jen-Mom

  2. I'm no expert of course, but the body goes through * A LOT * when you switch from a sugary diet to a non-sugary diet. I mentioned in a comment on FB to you that I'm doing low carb/high fat. It's *hard*, especially at first. The body goes through a lot as it detoxes, and we have to be patient with ourselves during that time. I know that I am personally cranky, tired all the time (google "ketosis flu"), and basically feel like crud, but like you I'm seeing the scale ever-so-slowly move.

    This is bound to have effects on your mood, for *SURE*! Hang in there, give your body some more time to get used to switching fuel sources. For those of us with carb-sensitive bodies, it can take longer to detox....and, of course, mental stress produces hormones that hang onto fat so we've got that lovely addition to the equation.

    I'm trying desperately to be gentle with myself. I feel like utter shit right now, but measurements (I do a weekly measurement of 6 areas on my body each week) are going down (granted, very slowly) and the scale is moving (granted, very slowly). "They" say I'll start to feel better soon....and like you, I'm wondering just when the hell that's going to happen.

    I hope this is a little encouragement to stick with it, be gentle and patient with yourself, and take extra good care of yourself right now. I love a good sudsy bath (I take one nearly every day!), naps (yeah, my energy level sucks right now too), etc. I just read that a cup of boiling water with a bouillion cube helps because it adds sodium back into the body (when doing less sugar, the kidneys are dumping water *and* salt out of your body at an alarming rate). I just had a cup, and it was soooo soothing and it did make me feel a little better.

    We got this, Hope. We've gotta just keep pressing forward, nap when we need to (just think of how hard our bodies are working right now to get rid of crap we've stored up for so long!), and just hang in there. I'm right here with you....cutting out sugar, feeling like crap (physically and emotionally), but trusting.