Hey everyone, it's been awhile, but I really haven't had a lot to say as of late. I think the darkness that has encompassed this part of the earth has me feeling a bit down - my energy level isn't real high and I seem to be tired a lot. I'm also experiencing some apathy right now. I'm doing a lot of knitting for Christmas/Yule gifts and find that I'm more excited about that than I am about Christmas and Yule themselves. I think I may still be mourning a bit. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it and just make the decision to be happy or excited and I find it's working pretty well.
Yesterday was a busy day for us. In the search for some passion and real feeling - I went back to my roots or rather a semblance of it. I've been really trying to connect with my Higher Power - the Great Spirit - the Goddess - God or any other name you prefer. My spiritual journey has been very varied over the years and this time of year I often feel a pull to go back to my roots - Christianity. Perhaps it's the plethora of Christian sentiment this time of year, but I have to admit, my own Paganism (yes that is how I spiritually identify) is very strong this time of year with the Winter Solstice approaching. This time of year it feels possible to combine the two - find a way to join my roots with my current Paganism. Not easy to do I can assure you - well not out in the world anyway - in my heart it all feels the same to be honest. Anyway, we as a family (parents more than children) decided to go to the local UU church yesterday. It was a lovely service - a large congregation and I even liked the pastor, but somehow I was disappointed. I couldn't tap into that place of spiritual ecstasy that I strive for and find in my personal practice. Not that the experience was bad, just not what I was hoping for.
I'm looking forward to Yule this year because I know my observance of this holiday will bring me to that spiritual plane I'm looking for. Of course just my mediation at home brings me there often. I'm blessed that way - I find it easy (most days) to just quiet my mind and find that link with Spirit.
After church we did some errands and then went and got our Christmas tree - we celebrate the Solstice as our spiritual holiday and Christmas as a secular holiday, so we have a Christmas tree though we interchange the term Yule tree quite frequently. Anyway we cut our own and out while looking for our tree this year, I found glimpses of that spiritual connectedness and ecstasy I was looking for in church. I was reminded once again that returning to the Earth and all Her goodness is the way for me to connect with my Higher Power. Why I need to constantly be reminded of this I don't know - I guess I'm just a little distracted by everyday life. It's interesting to me that I found "God" in a place other than church - not that S/He wasn't there - S/He was - I felt Him/Her in the presence of the people, but S/He was stronger in nature for me.
Now I think I just did some rambling there, but what it comes down to is, I'm lucky enough to find my Higher Power in simple places and right here in my own heart - I need to stop looking and start being with that Spirit
I'm sitting now in my living room in front of our lit Christmas/Yule tree with snow falling outside the window and Christmas carols playing on the computer and I feel so incredibly blessed. I'm a little overwhelmed with the feeling.
Anyway these are the thoughts that are going through my head today - I thought I'd share them with all of you as a way of experiencing them myself and clarifying what is going on with me in my own mind.
May the coming of the approaching Light bless each and every one of you.