Sunday, April 6, 2014

Self acceptance

This is a tough one, because I'm called to complete self acceptance, not partial self acceptance. This means I must love all of me just as I am in this moment.

This is a tall order to be honest. It's easy to love the parts of me that I find positive: my loving, kind nature, my open heart, my acceptance of others, my talents. But....this is not all I am. I can't love me and hate my fat - it's part of who I am in this moment. I can't love myself and hate my selfishness - that's part of me too. I need to look at all of me good and bad and accept that this is who I am in this moment a complete fallible person worthy of love and acceptance.

It's easy for me to love my friends and family, foibles and all, but I judge myself so much more harshly. I think because I have moments of selfishness, than that makes me a selfish person and means I'm not worthy of love. The opposite is true, because of my moments of selfishness I need more love to help me get beyond that one moment and find a place of selflessness.

Does that make sense? I love my children unconditionally even though they may have done things that were very wrong. That doesn't mean that I stop loving them - they need my loving acceptance even more to help them learn from their mistakes and grow from them rather than being stuck in an unhealthy place making the same mistakes over and over again.

I'm no different, I need the loving guidance of my Higher Power and the gift of self acceptance so that I can grow beyond my foibles, my mistakes. Who I am is the sum of all those parts, not just those parts separate from each other. I have to take the good with that bad. That's how it works.

So today, I turn to my Higher Power who accepts for who I am in this moment unconditionally and I pray for the gift of self acceptance. I work at loving myself as I am right now because I am grateful for who I am, who I was and who I will become, but right now is what is important. I'm grateful that I am on this journey of self discovery and spiritual awakening called the 12 steps.


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