Courage

I don't think of myself as a particularly courageous person, but courage is definitely a presence in my life. I need a certain amount of courage to be as honest with myself as I need to be in my journey of self discovery. I need a certain amount of courage to go against the "norms" of society in regards to the way I eat. I can't eat sugar - any kind of added sugar - in other words white sugar, honey, maple syrup, evaporated cane juice, brown sugar, etc. I'm addicted to the chemical make up of many of these kinds of sweeteners. I also find many artificial sweeteners to be unhealthy so I avoid them too. I stick to stevia as an added sweeetner and the sugars that occur naturally in my foods - fructose, sucrose, complex carbohydrates, etc.

It took courage to write that last paragraph; especially to talk about my addiction. People don't want to hear about it. In my experience they become uncomfortable in my presence if I bring it up, so I want to avoid it - hide it away. I need to be courageous in my honesty - I am an addict - I'm addicted to food - especially sugar. I need outside help to conquer my addiction - I need the loving power of the Universe to bless me and give me strength and courage to face this battle head on. I need the fellowship of a twelve step program. I need the spiritual practices of Shamanism, prayer, meditation and journaling to grow beyond my addiction and to help me find those resources of courage to be honest and faithful.

I think I've found a reserve of courage that I didn't know existed in myself this last few years. I've called on that courage to battle my depression and suicidal thoughts and to deal with family crises with my children. Before I sat down to write this post I never really thought of my actions and work as being courageous, but to do that kind of internal work one has to be. So today's moment of self discovery is that I'm courageous and I need to take that courage and apply it to my recovery, to my abstinence.