Gratitude

Gratitude plays such an important part in my life. I try to be grateful for all that happens to me - even the challenging stuff (that sometimes take time, though). Of course the important word here is try - I don't always succeed at this goal. Some of the challenging experiences in my life are there and I just can't let go of my negative feelings surrounding them. I replay my feelings regarding them in my head over and over trying to let go and find the gratitude.

I could sit here and list lots of different things I'm grateful for, but this is a post about how gratitude relates to my recovery. I'm grateful for my twelve step program and all the people that have been helped by these programs. I am also grateful for the chance to write about my experiences with my recovery. I find that many people are generally uncomfortable with discussions about recovery, so it's difficult for me to talk about it. Having the opportunity to write about them and share those writings with others, supports my recovery in a very real way. It forces me to be honest with myself and my Higher Power. I'm grateful for those who journey this path of discovery with me - having a community that doesn't judge me and supports me is such a blessing and helps my recovery in such a big way. I'm grateful to my Higher Power for bringing me to the fellowship of Overeaters Anonymous.

I'm grateful for 7 days of abstinence, as that is defined for me. A week of no sugar or white bread feels freeing. Not that it's easy.....I still think about sugary snacks and I'm tempted almost every day to eat those unhealthy foods. I'm grateful for the support of the Universe - my Higher Power as I battle my addiction.

I wish I could say I'm grateful for the addiction itself, because I know there are many lessons and experiences I would miss out on without it. I'm still working on that one. Still trying to get past my feelings of resentment and anger that I'm 'blessed' with a sugar and food addiction. I want nothing more than to be someone who can attend a party and not worry about eating the sugary foods on the table, but that will just lead to a relapse and I will find myself spiraling out of control. I just have to accept that I am someone that can not eat "normally"....... Someday I'll be grateful for this, but not yet.

As you can see, for me gratitude is not something that necessarily just happens, it's something I have to work at. It's something I have to look for in myself and in all the things around me. Sometimes it's obvious and those things are amazing and I'm blessed with them - things like my family and nature, but the things that I have to work for to find my gratitude - those change my thinking and my way of being.

I'm blessed and I'm so grateful for that.