Service

Okay, service is an important part of recovery. Helping those who are also in recovery is a cornerstone of a 12 step program, and I try to do my part leading meetings when I'm called to and being there for my brothers and sisters.

I have to admit I'm not doing real great with this one. I'm a mom, fulltime and homeschooling, and that is a life of service. To be brutally honest I sometimes resent it. I have little time to myself when I don't have to be available to someone else - my time is spend taking care of others. Now that the kids are older it doesn't require the same kind of care as it did when they were babies, but in our particular family a parent needs to always be available. My beloved works full time to support us financially so the kids fall automatically to me. Now I love being a fulltime mom, but sometimes I resent that I can't go out and get a job and spend time with other adults. I have very little energy left in my day to give service outside my family and I struggle with taking care of myself, so that important self care takes up what little time I have leftover. Hence I'm not real great being of service in my program.

I'm also trying to get over my own insecurities regarding relationships, so that also makes service a bit challenging. Interacting with my fellows is still difficult for me. My self esteem is low enough that I expect to be turned away. My issues are not anyone else's, but once again they make service challenging.

I don't know what else to say on this subject - I want to be better at service, but I'm still a work in progress. I guess I'll just keep plugging along doing the best I can knowing that I'm right where I supposed to be learning the lessons I'm meant to learn. Service will come - I'll get there.