Monday, September 2, 2013

tough decisions

Our annual camping trip is coming up, but I'm really struggling with whether or not I want to go this year. We go every year on the anniversary of the birth/death of our little Arlo Edward - we call it the Annual Arlo Memorial Camping trip. It's a special time for us to be together as a family and think of the little life that would have been part of our family - though I have to admit he is still part of us in some small way.

Anyway, this is an important trip and this year I just don't know if we should go. We are on the cusp of losing another family member and I just don't know if he's up to the conditions of camping anymore as much as he has always loved it. My Glen of Imaal Terrier, Liberty's Finn McCool is 16 years old and he is dying. He's been my best friend for years and has helped me through some of the hardest times of my life and all I want right now is to keep him comfortable for however long he has left.

I struggle daily with whether it's time to let him go, but he seems happy most of the time. He still trots out to the food dish every morning and evening even though his back-end doesn't work so well anymore. His ears perk up and I get lickies whenever I see him. He's always loved camping, so part of me is tempted to take him along just one last time before he dies. I'm torn......

I suppose we could go and if he's struggling or is obviously uncomfortable we could just come home. I don't know - this is hard. I've actually had months longer with him than I expected, so I ultimately feel blessed. In May it really seemed like we would have to let him go very soon, but he's still plugging away. He sleeps a lot, but at his age that is to be expected. He also tends to have a lot of accidents in the house, but again it's expected and doesn't really bother me all that much - we just clean it up. The little day to day hassles are worth having just a little bit more time with him.

I keep expecting that look from him - you know that look that tells me that it's time to let him go. I'm not ready, but I know and trust that I will be when he lets me know that he is. Until then, I love him and kiss him and spend time just watching him sleep. He is truly one of our family and will leave a hole when he is gone.

I guess all this rambling has helped, because I think we'll go, see how he does and if he's not doing well just come home. Phew - it's good to have that decision made. Now to run it by the family and see if they agree.

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