Today begins my study of step 2 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. This book is the go to for study of any twelve step program. So even though I am a compulsive overeater and sugar addict, this book written for alcoholics, is relevant to my recovery. I just replace the word alcohol with food. It works. Anyway, step 2 - "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
My behaviors and attitudes about food, have in the past been insane. I could sit here and type up all kinds of embarrassing behaviors, but suffice it to say - I was insane - I am insane in many ways and my insanity with food bleeds into other behaviors in my life.
This step teaches me that my powerless over food - learned in step one - has lead to my insane behavior which I can not change without a Power greater than myself. That's pretty big stuff. Now in a 12 step program it is important to remember that one's Higher Power is the God of My Understanding. I got really stuck on the step for a long time because my faith is outside the parameters of Judeo-Christian philosophy and I really got stuck on the word God. My divinity is feminine in nature - for me a Mother figure is much easier to relate to. The language of a lot of the writing in my 12 step program OA (Overeaters Anonymous) is based on the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous which was written by men for men in the 1930's. Sometimes that makes it hard for me to relate to.
I need to open my mind and my heart to my Higher Power to see the way these writings relate to me. Right now I've begun using a book called The Little Red Book for Women to help me study the Big Book. It's really helped me find truth in a tool written for a different audience. However, whether male or female, we all need Something Greater than ourselves to find abstinence and sobriety.
Every day, I begin my day with yoga and/or meditation and during that time I pray. I pray to my Higher Power (a Celtic goddess, Morrigan) to take my day and do with as She wills. In the quiet of my heart I always hear that she wants me to be healthy in my choices. I take the time everyday to give it over to Her and I can feel Her support and love flow through my soul leading me to sanity.
My sanity has been restored One Day At A Time through the intercession of my Higher Power and I feel so blessed that I found OA and AA to teach me the tools I need to find abstinence. I have been gifted 23 days of abstinence by my Higher Power and I will continue to take this journey path by path, step by step, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I will be grateful for every breath I take.